We Learned to Diagram Sentences, Not Raise Humans

Were you offered a parenting class in high school? Or college? I wasn't. 

We didn't even get the fake baby project I always saw on television in the 90s. 

Ironically, we know that parenting and our attachment to our children are predictors of our children's future success and health.

Still, we don't adequately prepare our population for parenting.

Sure, we can read books independently, and many of us do. However, from a public education standpoint, I know how to diagram a sentence, but no one taught me attachment theory until my master's degree.

Society relies on parents to know how to respond to their children and connect in meaningful ways. The reality is that most of us were parented by humans who were just trying to figure it out, too.

That’s not a dig at our parents. It’s just the truth. When you know more, you do more, and we’re learning more every day. I’m sure my daughter will parent differently from me. Hopefully, even better.

Consider what happens when you fight with your partner. How do you respond? How do they respond? 

Or when you are overwhelmed, what is your first coping skill?
Ice-cream?
A vape?
Amazon?

I was raised to pull myself up by my "bootstraps." I don't think it's been the worst thing in the world for me; however, there is a cost.

I can turn off my emotions like a light switch.

I tend to stonewall my partner when I'm in a bad mood. When my daughter is frustrating me, I might send her to her room rather than help her organize her emotions—not terrible things, but not ideal. 

Parents respond with survival skills, and those reactions get passed down to their children.

I bet you see this in your family. We definitely see it in the media—take the Progressive Insurance commercials, for example. 

We tend to respond as our parents did. Even when we don't want to.

How many times have you said, "Oh my gosh, I sounded exactly like my mom/dad/etc."

It was probably something you swore you would never say, but it came out anyway, automatically.
We live what we know. 

The good news is that there is research to help us as parents overcome our past trauma and improve our children's emotional IQ.

How we respond to our children can shape who they become. If we can be emotionally available and supportive at least 30% of the time, we can raise children with healthy, secure attachments.

Thirty percent! That's more accurate than my weatherman.

And don't be worried if you have teenagers or even adult children. It's not too late to change your style.

Parenting doesn't end just because our kids want independence. Our role just changes.

That's why I created this course to give parents practical ways to connect instead of control.

If you're trying to navigate life with an 11-year-old, a 17-year-old, or a 25-year-old who still calls for advice... check out Motivate, Don't Mandate.

If you’re a parent of a teen or young adult and want to check it out, I'd love to have your feedback.

The course is free,it so please share with anyone you believe would benefit!